What the Smurf? There is now a Smurfing Smurf perfume

"What's that wonderful smell?" someone will ask you about your new perfume, Smurfette Blue Magic. "It's Smurf perfume," you'll mumble, wishing a hole would open up beneath you. "Excuse me?" they'll press. "It's my SMURF PERFUME, inspired by 'Smurfs 2' — you know, the children's movie with the posters with the pale-looking Smurfs on them?" It will get very quiet. In the silence, the blossoming aroma of oriental mandarin, pink pepper, patchouli and hyacinths will become almost unbearably sweet. "Is it a … children's perfume?" the bewildered person will ask. "They do make a children's Smurf perfume, called Blue Style, but this scent is for grown-ups," you'll reply. A pause. "Oh. Well, where did you get it?" As you flee the room, you will cry out, "Toys 'R' Us!"

Don't worry, if you're over 10 years old, there's a fragrance for you, too: Smurfette Blue Magic, "billed as a more high-end scent targeting women between the ages of 13 and 30." The bottle looks like a sex toy and the liquid inside smells like "oriental mandarin, pink pepper, red raspberry and peach blossom" with bottom notes of "wet leafy greens, hyacinth and transparent lilac, sheer amber, patchouli and bright wood."

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